Wednesday, 2 November 2016

Moving out of your comfort zone and failure

I do see myself as a confident person, mostly in environments and with people, I feel comfortable with and in situations, I have experienced before, but in other situations, it's a completely different story. My close friends and family always comment on how confident I am compared to themselves and this is quite often the case, especially when I’ve done something once. I do think I am an independent(ish) person, I will happily cook for myself and even for bigger groups of people, travel to big cities such as London alone, including tackling the tube. I've always been brought up to do things for myself, from ringing up for an appointment and asking for the bill in a restaurant to taking control and organising a summer holiday for myself and 7 of my friends. I also work as a waitress so I will be often speaking to strangers and I do believe this has helped. You’re forced (in the nicest possible way) to reach out of your comfort zone. However, like anyone, I do still have my knocks of confidence.


I recently completed my year 12 work experience. I chose an architect studio; I was almost certain this wasn't the career path for me but I wanted to experience the role of an architect to confirm my thoughts. I was right, and it isn't for me, BUT it was an amazing experience and I really did enjoy every minute. In hindsight (it's a wonderful thing!) I shouldn't have been worried at all, all the people I came into contact with were lovely and made me feel welcome from the first moment to leaving on my final day. At no point did they 'hate' my work or think my work was 'awful' and I didn't do it 'wrong' (these were just a few of the situations I had been worried about). I was with two other people on my work experience, the other girl, we shared mutual friends and therefore had seen each other names popping up on Facebook and knew each other faces which made it slightly less daunting. We were given the task of designing a £1 million house (the ultimate dream!) for a role model of our choice. Immediately, I was worried my ideas and designs wouldn't be as 'good' as the other two people, looking back, I shouldn't have compared myself to other people, we're each our own person and there wasn't necessarily a better design, just different designs. 


I would like to attend a university far away from home, I'm not talking as far away as I can possibly get, just far enough to gently force me to be more independent. I don't want to just be able to just give up and take the easy option of coming back home every time something goes wrong or doesn't turn out how I wanted/imagined it to. That's not going to help anything or anyone in the long run and that option isn’t going to be available forever, that isn’t how life works. We will all have to fly the nest someday.


There is always that BIG question. What will other people think? I say screw what other people think, why should their opinion matter? What is that going to help?

My most recent, what will people think? situation is driving. Driving is a big milestone, especially when, like myself, you live in the middle of nowhere. Driving is my freedom, no more constantly nagging my parents to take me here and pick me up from here, not being able to attend events because I have no way of getting home, having to ring 10 different taxi companies, being able to go out whenever, and not just when it’s convenient for my parents (you get the picture, it's important and is a big step). I'm one of the youngest people in my year, so much so that I'm basically in the year below, and with lots of my friends being old for the year, leaves them with a head start of things like driving, to the point that lots of my friends are already driving, and some have been for a while. This leaves me with that constantly worried thought of what if I fail? Will that make me a failure? Will people be disappointed in me? Will people laugh? I am a big believer in fate and think that everything does happen for a reason, so if something doesn't work out for me, the way I wanted it to, the way I had imagined, maybe it was for a reason. Ok so, let’s be honest, what's the worst case scenario? I fail my driving test. Then what? I move on, I don't stress over it, it's happened and I can't change it, it's annoying, but I can't change it. I rebook my test, I put a smile on my face and I get on with it. There has been, and definitely will be lots of these situations that everyone is faced with, it’s part of life, it’s what makes life exciting and different. I do think it would be pretty boring if everything worked out exactly the way you wanted it to every time. You just have to smile and get on with it. It wouldn’t allow for those hindsight moments or those happy accidents. Failure is what success if built on if you don’t fail you don’t succeed.

Obviously, there is always that fear when doing something new, or there is a big change in your life, is it going to work out for the good or for the bad? This is always a worry of mine, I have a wild imagination and I will make up situations in my head. What if this happens? What if I do this wrong? What if they say this? These are questions I wind myself up about, imagining each of these situations. Whilst other people would feel sick with excitement, I sometimes feel sick with nerves. Once I’ve done it I always look back and think of how silly I was, worrying about this and that etc. I’ve recently realised it’s simply the fear of the unknown. I’m nervous about what will happen or what could happen. Nervous are completely normal and even the most confident people will be nervous at some point. Sometimes it’s worrying in its self if you’re not nervous.

So there we have it, something I have actually wanted to write down for a long long time but ironically, have been worried about what people would think. Also, I apologise that this turned into such a huge, personal ramble! I haven't really done a personal post and sometimes, it's nice to just talk and hopefully help people. Just remember, that even when it seems like you’re alone, I promise you you’re not, there is definitely so many more people who are in the same situation as you. Even that person whose life seems perfect and nothing every seems to go wrong for them, they, at some point in their lives will experience having to move out of their comfort zone along with failure. Failing is what makes you, you.

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  1. I love this post. Its nice knowing I'm not the only one who experiences stuff like this.

  2. Wow, that's quite an insight! Good for you and thanks for sharing. I feel better about some of my own 'issues'. In fact, I'm off to kick one or two of them into touch right now!

  3. I haven’t any word to appreciate this post.....Really i am impressed from this post....the person who create this post it was a great human..thanks for shared this with us. A1 Pioneer


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